Recently just changed my facebook status to being in a relationship with Benaiah Wee. Some of my friends were wondering why i waited so long before changing it and why so sudden. I guess I will just blog some of my thoughts and also personal values that myself and Ben holds on to in our relationship so that my friends can understand and also know whats going on in my life :)


History:Ben and myself were in the same NUS ministry but different pastoral groups. Our paths never really crossed and I never took notice of him and vice versa. Haa... Reasons will have to be asked at a personal level ;) It was in 2009 January that our paths crossed cause of ministry and pastoral things whereby we had the chance to work together and to discuss things. I guess that's where the friendship started to develop very slowly. Initially was purely work business but it slowly led to a development of a friendship. During a Kuching LC 2009, we spent a bit more time together with the other brothers and sisters and when we came back, the friendship progressed and we started to grow closer together.


Personal:At that time, I was open to relationship and was ready to consider this area of my life. I had dealt with my past relationships and had surrendered this area of my life to God and had came up with a list of must haves and not to haves that I would want or not want in my future husband.

For me, when i enter a relationship it will be with marriage in mind. Not just with marriage but working towards marriage and ready to get married. That time i also prayed that if there is this someone out there, let me get into a relationship when i am 25. As i planned to go church planting after that, I hope to get married and go with my husband to church planting together.

I already had a list of must haves that I was looking for in my husband before I met Ben and as I got to know him, i was surprised that he fitted so many of them, esp when my list was rather long. The list was not about superficial appearance but on character, life vision and goals.

Top three must haves include: desire to go church planting, faithful to God, able to lead me.


Friendship stage:- Our friendship stage I would say started beginning of the year 2009 (though before that we knew each other, but we never interacted). The friendship deepen in august 2009 when we started to email each other to encourage one another and also share our thoughts on issues and things.
- It was a difficult strugle for myself draw boundaries and not to be too close too him as we are still friends and i am not comfortable to be so close to any guy who is just a friend.
- Deep sharing of past hurts and personal struggles were out of bounds.
- We also had to limit our frequency of msging and talking over the phone. We hardly met up, only once in a blue blue moon to catchup.
- The challenge we had as friends (while i was interested to know him and also wanted to draw the boudary), was that we were in different ministry and we never got the chance to really serve together.
- It was through prayer and also through the emails and little interaction that we had that led me to make the decision that I would want to know this man more, with the intention of marriage. Not just to be friends but not yet as a couple/lover because I still need to know more about him.
- While I had faith, reality needs to be met up with this faith and assurance from God that this could be the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.


Exploration:- On the 25/4/2010, one day before my bday, Ben asked me for exploration. Before that I have already decided and talked through with my leaders. So when he asked me, I agreed and that's how we started.
- In exploration, we are still friends and we do not see or treat each other as a couple yet. Boundaries were still drawn such as physical intimacy and planning of our future plans together.
- In ths phase, we focus on knowing each other more and also clarifying on the things that we need to know about each other before we come to make the decision of courtship (which is like engagment already).
- We trash out many things and it was difficult as biblical relationship were rather new to us and we were trying to understand and do what is right in the eyes of God. There were times we found it a strugge to accept one another and we were tested and challenged to love one another for their strengths and weaknesses.
- We came face to face with many challenges which tested the relationship such as our past, our differences, our personality, our weaknesses and external challenges too. But as we place God in the center, God led us through and it made me more sure of this person and that this is who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Though it will not be easy but I see the fruits and potential that will come out of our relationship. Most importantly, I see Ben as someone who loves God and desires to follow God and to serve Him regardless how tough it is.
- So in April when he asked me for coursthip, I agreed and now we are officially a couple who is sure of each other and working towards spending our lives togethe in the covenant of marriage.


Courtship:- There are still challenges in this phase, as this is a phase of integrating our lives and families together. Planning together and supporting one another. This phase is pretty new to us and we are also learning along the way and allowing God to lead and guide us through this.
- Excited about this journey, as i see this as a journey of faith with God.
- When we are in courtship, it means that we are ready for marriage and is ready to go for marriage preparation course and to plan the wedding and look into buying house. (this would means that financially we should be prepared and also in our own personal life)
- To Ben and myself, we see coursthip as an informal proposal whereby he is asking me to marry him and me saying yes to him. So what are we waiting for now? haa... To go for marriage preparation course and after which we will be planning the wedding and looking into buying house.
- However, our lives is not just about the two of us or just about our relationship, there are other areas such as family, ministry, work and most importantly, our personal relationship with God.


Conclusion:- Relationship needs hardwork and is indeed very challenging. But through this, I have a taste of what it means by 1+1 = 1000000 or more. Relationship is not just about meeting our emotional needs, but also how it draws us closer to God and also add on to the kingdom of God.
- I love it when we serve together, as i see how we complement each other and how we cover each othr weaknesses. Esp when we understand each other and love each other, the kind of dynamic is indeed different.
- While I am learning to support Ben, I am als learning to find and define my uniqueness and God's plan for me as an individual in this relationship too.

 

Signing off at 10:28 PM