So sorry folks for not updating my blog. It is super outdated le. So taking this morning to just update here. So many many things have been happening, I was a little overwhelmed. A little is an understatement... I was overly overwhelmed. I wont be going into details here but just gist of my life. If you are interested to find out more about my teaching experience and wanna be encouraged by my life ;) haaha... My door is always open!!!

"... my door is always open." This is the line I always say to my kids in school. I am currently doing my practicum in (XXXX). It's a girls' school and I requested to go to that sch. I came from the pri sch and while i was deciding which sch to choose, I felt God divinely led me to this sch and so i went for the interview and the principal wanted me and i got in :)

I felt that God was calling me to this sch for a reason. Though at that time i had no idea what was it. I just knew that i had a deep burden for girls and I want to impact and influence their lives. I came from girls' sch all my life and as a female i knew the struggles that girls normally go through and also some of the difficulties and problems commonly faced by girls. In church, i was always leading a girls group and impacting and influencing girls too. So after considering for some time, i knew that God was leading me to a girls' sch and so i ended up at st. margaret's sec sch.

Before i entered the school, i sought God about what kind of teacher does He wants me to be and what kind of teacher do i want to be:
Attitudes:
1) Child of God
2) love
3) compassion
4) Joy
5) humble to learn
6) Confident because i know Christ lives in me

values:
1) trust in God
2) live for eternity
3) NIE first before career
4) live a surrended life


I have been teaching for about 5 weeks already and these were greatly challenged and tested. I felt overwhelmed.

Summary of my struggles:
1) insecure about my ability as a teacher and would compare myself with my peers. This cause me to want to shine for the wrong reasons and to strive for recognition and achievements. I was also fearful of losing out to others and wanted to be the 'best' teacher. hahah
2) Lost focus on why i wanted to be a teacher cause was discouraged by the responses i got from the students and i felt unappreciated.
3) I was so caught my with my work and with doing lessons plans that i forgot why God called me to be there. Why i wanted to be a teacher.
4) I also almost lost focus on my priority and started to put work first above other things.

Despite of the above struggles and temptations, Thank God for His faithfulness, God sent ppl to speak words of truth into my life and pointed me back to the right path. God spoke to me and reminded me alot of times through pnw, qt, prayer and sermons that i was losing my identity as a child of God and my focus. God was extremely patient with me and He pursue me like crazy. God is indeed faithful and He still showered me with lots of grace and love. I am able to survive practicum until now and still coping well is all because of God's grace. All honour and glory to God :) Really really very thankful to God for His grace in my life. So many times, He turned situations around and gave me more time and sustained me when i was so tired and drained. Though i was struggling and had lost focus, chasing after the winds, God was still faithful and He still love me. (Amazing grace)

The first 2 weeks was alot of self discovery and reflection whereby the ugly side of Calyn came out and I questioned God about so many things. My convictions was tested and what i believed and held onto was tested too.

I started to make such prayers every morning:
1)God I want to live a righteous life
2) God I want to live a life that pleases you. my sole aim is to please you and i live for You only.
3) Father i pray that you will humble me and that my life is not my own.
Basically is about matt 6:33

After that my prayers grew and extended:
1) Father i pray that i will be sensitive to the holy spirit to minister to the kids
2) God i pray that i will respond when you speak
3) God i pray that i will have wisdom to handle situations in class and when i speak it is you who is speaking


Some things that God spoke to me very strongly about:
1) I used to lead a group of girls and the size is about 5-8. But now as a teacher in class, i am leading 40 students and I have 4 classes so that is 160 students, so what kind of influence and impact do i want to leave in them? God reminded me of Godly values and bringing my life as a child of God to class. I am not able to touch each student personally but what i can do minimally is to teach them Godly values and show them God's love and His presence through my life and my being. Setting a good example as a christian and to be an authentic christian teacher.
2) The spiritual atmosphere in the sch is so dry. The sch needs revival. I was so overwhelmed when God placed this in my heart that i started to pray. I would Pray for God's presence to be over the sch every morning as i walk through the sch compound and pray that God will touch the students' hearts and for revival.

I started these new things last week:
1) To share my life in class, my students know that i am a christian and that i go church. Share about my wonderful parents and how blessed i am :)
2) Share values to them and the importance of having integrity, humility and responsibility.
So what i would do is to do a 2 min sharing before i start the lessons. Will use bible verses or quotes or my life testimonies and share to the class and teach them how to apply and praise them when they are display such traits and scold them when they dont. But definitely need to make sure that they understand. Now... i finally feel that there is meaning in being a teacher :) It is not just about students passing exams or helping those who are problematic or just to teach in class. But to influence everyone with whatever I have, by bringing the presence of God into class :) Everyone is precious in God's eyes and minimally this is what i can do as a christian teacher.

Next tuesday I will be sharing devotions during morning assembly and I have not prepared yet!!! haha :) and I still have 7 more observations to go!! i am lagging behind already with my formal observations by my teachers. I have 5 more weeks of practicum to go and last week is exams so that means i need to complete 7 observations in 4 weeks and that is about 2 each week!! Stress!!

Please keep me in prayer.
1) For God to sustain me physically and to strengthen me. Feel very very tired.
2) God's grace and favour to be upon my life
3) That i will continue to fix my eyes on Christ and to live a surrendered life
4) Be sensitive to the holy spirit and have the wisdom to handle situations
5) For me to pass my practicum :0
6) Most importantly in all that i do, i will partner with God and live a life that is truly set apart for Christ. I am a child of God!!! :) That in all that i do, I will honour Him.

 

Signing off at 8:46 AM