Was looking through my personal journal with God and reflecting on 2009, when i came upon a journal entry in Sept. Someone blessed me with this poem that time and as i read it again, it speaks to me...

The poem portrays what i am currently feeling and going through. Alot of thoughts on my mind, feeling hurt and disappointed too. Wanted to give up at some points but i know giving up would just be escaping and I would never know what it means to overcome and that Whatever i am running away from would just come back to me again.

Theme: Giving in, Nothing to prove, Molding

Grandiose plans, dreams and passions for God
Openly shared and proclaimed
Discouragment slowly reared its ugly head
Lingering thoughts of giving up entertained
On this journey of faith
Vultures hovers relentlessly
Examine my heart, I prayed
Sole devotion to God, I asked
Captured by Your love once more
Assured by Your unfailing promises again
Laying down my rights, I've learned
Yesterday I struggled with giving up to God
Now with gladness I give, in full surrender to Him

Very humbled during this season also, as i come face to face with my weaknesses and flaws. That i am not perfect and I am work in progress, to find my security and hope in Christ. A season whereby i learn to persevere in people, growing in love and as i am stretched more, I am relying on God more.

Need new breakthroughs and new perspectives into things... As i am typing this, the song "Through it all" is playing on my youtube playlist.

"You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You"

Actually amazing things have been happening in my life :) Just that in the midst of the joys and blessings, there will always be 'troubles, problems, hardships and difficulties' around us in this fallen world. But I need to remember that I have Christ with me and to live life remembering who God truly is and who He is in my life. I was looking through my journals and there was this entry whereby i was telling God how much i love surprises and how little acts of love means alot to me. As i looked back at the past year, especially the past 1 year whereby there were many 'difficulties' faced, God really gave me many little surprises telling me how much He loves me and to assure me and to heal my heart.

The past few months i ve been really blessed whereby there's breakthrus in family, friendships and ministry but along the way, some things took a turn and some of these things were taken away from me. Just as God gives and blesses, God also takes away these things. At the end of everything, I realised that what lasts and stands forever is His love for me and His WORD.

I started off this year setting some growth objectives. I have been greatly challenged in these areas and by God's grace and with His love, i ve grown in these areas and still growing :)haha... i really feel like laughing as i look back at my 2009 prayer points and many memories and incidents just came to me. Good and 'bad', some were mountain-top experiences while some were deep-in the valley experiences. But through these things, God never once left me. It was in the darkest valleys that God's love was amazingly sweet and comforting, that i was so humbled by His grace and mercy, that i am all the more convinced that God is my faithful shepherd, Lord, Saviour and friend.

I wanna thank God for answering my prayers of 2009 (just to share a few):
1) Working in my family. He restored the relationships between me, my parents and sister.
2) Giving me a chance to share God's love to my uncle and his family. Thank God for opening this door .
3) A CG with NIE people.
4) To bring someone from NIE to come to know God. My friend Jasmine came to know God.
5) Bringing healing to my heart and my inner being. Freeing me from some of the hurtful pasts.
6) Restoring friendships and relationships with some of my friends, brothers and sisters.
7) Blessing me with good friends and people who truly loves me and whom i can count on.
8) Seeing me through my final year in NUS and my FYP! that i managed to finish my FYP and get results and graduate.

In conclusion, this year is an eventful year of unexpected events, happenings and blessings. As man plans, it is God who determines his steps. A verse that God constantly remind me this year is: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Each time God reminds me of this verse, I gained deeper insights and understanding of what the verse truly means. The song that God kept reminding me is: "In your hands"

 

Signing off at 1:04 PM