Though today is a public holiday, i was in lab the whole afternoon today, doing my project. I was running expt and around 2pm i went to collect my sequencing result and to my shock and horror... my results were either negative or wrong!!!! oh my.... i was utterly disappointed and my heart totally sank when i checked my result. One whole week of hard work of staying in lab from morn till night all gone and my heart was in a frantic. How? I need results and i need to hurry if not i will never be able to finish my FYP, i am desperate for a miracle, for some positive result and i am worried that i wont be able to finish on time because all i ve been getting is negative or false positive results. I was feeling down and really affected because i have been trying and trying and repeating my expt for so many times already, i can literally do the steps with my eyes close.

Supposed to meet my sheep at night and i know i am not in the right state to minister to anyone and i needed a touch from God. I needed to seek Him for assurance in the midst of such insecurities. So i went for a jog... Supposed to go with my sheep but it was drizzling so in the end change to meet my sheep for dinner instead of jogging and dinner. But i needed to sort out my thots, so i went to MPSH there and jogged around the track in the rain. Jogged for five rounds...

I was just pouring out to God, asking Him why so many things ve been happening. Why so many ups and downs, that there's never a quiet moment. Why i keep struggling, why weird and challenging circumstances kept happening and they either come together or one after another, why i need to keep settling things and problems and fight one fire after another. Think the lab was just a triggering point and i was lashing out at God. Unhappy and confused with so many things on my shoulder and i was complaining to God: haven't i given you enough? i ve given you everything.... i ve given you my money, my time, my heart, my being ... everything. Honestly speaking what more do you want God? All i want is a bit of peace in my life and some result for my FYP and why aren't you blessing me and why aren't you answering my prayers?

Then God just answered: Nothing... i want nothing. I just want you to trust in me and to seek me, my kingdom and my righteous. Then there was silence...

At that instance, there was a sense of peace around me and as i continued jogging, God's promises flooded my mind and started convicting my heart. Suddenly these promises were more than just words, they became my source of comfort and they came alive.

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength" (isa 30:15)

" Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" (matt 6:25-26)

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (prov 3:5-6)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cp-8U9YzCL4 (A song by hillsongs kids title: Trust in the Lord)

Why am i so bothered and caught up with worrying of the things around me when God has promised to take care of me and that He is the God who will make my paths straight. What i should and i can do is to fix my eyes on Christ alone and to continue to be faithful in what i am called to do. Don't ever let the things of this world overwhelm me but rather in quietness and trust is my strength.

God is my Immanuel (God with us, He's my El Shaddai (The almighty)and Jehovah Nissi (banner).

 

Signing off at 5:29 PM