I ve always thot tt i m the kind of person who is capable of handling alot of things and anything tt is thrown at me, i can deal with them, cope well with them and give excellent work. But recently .... haha.... i feel so weak and small physically.

limited by strength, wisdom, speed, mental capability and even coping with my inner being. So gg to God more and more and learning to rely more and more on Him, if not i think i ll just die.

Feel stretched with the expectations tt i place on myself and the tremendous amount of things tt i wanna do here and for God. Am i being unreasonable here and placing unnecessary burdens on myself? I am rather choleric by nature, so being task-orientated and fulfilling one task after another is not really a problem, but recently struggling with some internal issues and some heart issues. Which make things a bit unbearable cause need to cope with external issues and internal issues.

Honestly i feel like i am walking in the midst of storms and the waves are flapping furiously around me and yet i am just walking peacefully on waters. haha... ironic rite? Despite a hectic schedule of datelines and pressure from ppl, and internal struggles and weaknesses, i feel a weird inner sense of peace within me. I know tt i cannot walk thru all these on my own and if i ever do, i m just gg to sink right down into depression again and emo again. So kept relying on God for strength, for wisdom, for peace, for assurance, for security and for answers.

Will spend my day doing things and i ll allocate time especially just to be with God, regardless of how pack or unsettled i am. i love taking bus rides, walks and breakfast with God. Every morn will wake up in the presence of God (praising and worshiping Him), there will just be a song in my head and then i ll bathe and prepare to go sch. On my way to sch i will talk to God and pray for my life, family, friends, cg and ppl. While waiting for bus, i will listen to worship songs and just be soak in God's love and His awesome love for me. Thru the songs i ll naturally be drawn to give thanks to God and i ll feel so blessed as i count my blessings one after another and God will speak gently to me, giving me the assurance and attention and love that i so desire and need. For the past 2 weeks, God has been so good (although the bus is so pack, there will always be a seat for me and to spend quiet time with God), God is like a perfect lover to me.... so sweet rite? hee....

on the bus, will continue to just pour out to god. I m the kind of person who needs to pour out everything and make sense of things. Think its my personality and the way tt God has created me to me. So i will pour out to god and talk to him about the things in my heart, reason with Him things and also thinking thru things and making sense of things with Him.

Next is breakfast at YIH (the toast set is excellent and cheap) or mac at HQ. I enjoy this most!!! This is the time whereby i ll ve breakfast with God, so intimate rite? haha... Reading His word and pondering and talking thru things with Him. Doesn't God sound so real and alive? Cause God is a living God ma... :) One hour of breakfast then i ll start studying at 10am at hq or check my email first.

This is my daily routine with God and i started this daily routine for 2 weeks already (try to make this as daily as possible) Oh ya... after 1 whole day of work i love to take a quiet bus ride with God at night at 10.15/10.30pm. The bus is less pack and moves super fast and i ll just listen to songs again and just let God refresh me after one whole day of work and ministering to ppl. Let God fill me with His presence and just soak in His love and presence.

Having the feeling of in love with God now... God really understands me well. So well tt it amazes me and so glad and thankful for His acceptance and love for me. I feel so sosoosososos blessed manz. Speechless... haha.... God is always always pursuing me and giving me surprises to show His love for me and remind me of His existence in my life and how much he loves me. In front of God there is absolutely nothing to hide, just be the silly me in front of God. haah.... I love God so much, feel like my heart is gg to explode with joy and His love. haha.

Going thru some struggles and feeling quite lost and uncertain about some things, but i m gg thru these strong in the Lord. Thank you God :)

Pray tt as you read this post, you will desire and grow in intimacy with God. God shouldn't be just your Lord and savior. We were created to relate intimately with God, knowing His love and His will for us. Pursue God will all ur heart just as He has pursued you. Surely He has pursued you before and is also pursuing you now. Such intimacy is addictive and it feeds ur soul such tt you will never feel hungry or thirsty and i can assure you tt only God is the only one who can satisfy your soul and desires.

 

Signing off at 10:13 AM