Many things have been happening in my life. last week felt so overwhelmed by circumstances that i felt so weak and vulnerable. But thank God for His love and presence that He strengthen me and restored me that i was able to carry on and walk on.

Recently thinking about relationships with people... not sure where to start or how to begin. Sometimes i wish tt all i ve is relationship with God and tt i dun ve to care and bother about men. But like tt the cross wouldnt be complete and i cant call myself a christ follower since being a christian involves loving both God and men.

Sometimes i wonder is it my style of relating with people that i need to grow in (definitely ve areas to grow) but am i so lacking that in the end conflicts occur? A balance btw speaking the truth in love and not telling the person (fear that people will be upset and risking the relationships). Giving up my personal rights when loving and guiding ppl; rights of emotions, anger, respect, personal time.... Ve been thinking about this for quite some time already, think some aspects are indeed unavoidable. As long as you are doing God's work, you cannot avoid getting hurt, being mistaken, doubted, scolded and being seen as a foolish person.... Jesus also faced all these when He was doing His ministry on Earth. Sometimes i really wonder how Jesus can tolerate all these, whats more He is God and He came to save the world yet people treated Him like trash and taking the truth He speaks as nonsense.

Jesus is my ultimate motivation and source of comfort... keeping my eyes fixed on Him and constantly drawing strength from Him. But i cant help feeling the things that i am feeling, asking God to build my inner men strong and not to be affected by men. sometimes i just feel like giving up, giving up speaking truths into people's life and building disciples. If they listen then it will be easier. But men are sinners so its quite impossible... haha.... if the world and men was perfect then i dun need to do all these things already.

My stand now is, as long as my conscience is clear before God, then i shall not be deter by men. God is my ultimate judge.... how long can i take it? May God pour His grace and mercy upon me.... for it is a struggle btw to give in to the easier path, but is this wat God would want of me? Jesus did not take the easier path, for "small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." But why is it so hard and tough...

Be strong! stand firm! JESUS is my foundation! haha... it is easier said than done, but by God's grace i will walk on till i c Him....

 

Signing off at 11:46 AM