Saturday, January 27, 2007
New year prayers

i just realised i ve blogged for 2 months. hee... so terrible. Hmm lets see where should i start.
Lets start with my new year prayers:
1) Attitutes: Grow in humility and obedience to God, stop procastinating
2) Skill: Guitar :) and evangelism
3) Knowledge: word of god

these are some of the things that i wanna grow in. another thing is this year i really wanna grow in my intimacy with god. Not only to talk to him in prayer but to pray in faith and to communicate with me. I am currently reading a book (Too busy to pray), halfway thru. its really a very good book. The part that spoke to me is do i pray in faith? Do i pray believing in the power of god that god is able? i realised that many times my prayers are like santa clause's list stating my needs den full stop. Do i stop to praise God; to give thanks and to listen from God? So this yr will be to grow in my prayer and word of god. I m really excited cause after i set these 2 new yr prayers in the 1st week of jan, i experienced breakthroughs and god's power thru word and prayer. God has been using His word to correct and to encourage me and i really wanna thank God for this.

Last tues i was very down and was troubled because the sins of my life which i ve been ignoring all along suddenly struck me in my face. I couldn't ignore them any longer and i felt ashamed and broken. I felt broken because i was struggling with sins and thoughts and i was like God... I m so tired of struggling how come i keep sinning? So i played the song "i will run to you" and just prayed and called out to god. I was asking god to give me comfort and to forgive me for my sins. Asking him why, why m i so sinful and why were these thoughts surfacing now. God spoke to me tt is it not that the sins are surfacing now, but tt i ve been ignoring them.This year is a year whereby God wnats to prune me so that i can grow in righteousness. As i was praying God spoke to me tt "it is not the healthy who needs a doc, but the sic." So i flipped to my bible and read the verse is matt :9-13. The fact is that i m a sinner, tt's the reason why i need jesus, why i need god. In verse 13 it says I desire mercy, not sacrifice. This verse struck me very strongly. I need God's mercy and grace to be on me. God desire me to call upon His name and repent and seek Him for forgiveness and healing. Sometimes, when we r too ashamed of the sins we ve committed, we run away from god, too ashamed to face Him. but tt's not wat god wants from us. He wants to set us free from the sins and He wants us (sinful and broken ppl), to bow down b4 him to seek Him for grace and mercy. I was very touched by this verse and though i m still struggling ( i ll always struggle) with sins, but i m not alone in this struggle. God's presence is with me and with His mercy and strength i believe i ll ve breakthroughs.

Sins do exist! We cant fight sins on our own and we cant control them. tt's the reason why we need Jesus and why Jesus had to suffer the cross. This yr, i leant the greatness of sins and how evil the heart can be because of sins. Sin is real and is living, it is a fact we cant deny! Jesus and walking with God is the only answer to sins. Though struggling with thoughts like pride can be frustrating at times, i am humbled by God's grace and the sacrifice Jesus made. I will run the race with god until i see Him face to face. I really like the song: i will run to you. " i will run to you, to your word of truth, not by might not by power but by the spirit of god. yes i ll run the race till i see your face, oh let me live in the glory of your grace."

I want to run to Him and rely on His strength. I m very excited abt this year cause i desire a spiritual breakthrough in my life and this new intimacy with god is getting me very excited :) haha...

On monday, i experience a breakthrough with god and tt's speaking in front of crowd. mon i was supposed to host with sl for support event appreciation night. i was very hesitant and many times i wnated to back out exp when i realised its church level and there was abt 200 ppl. i was scared and just the thought of it would make my heart pump faster and my knees weak. i ve e fear of speakin in front of crowd, even in small gps when i m hosting events or affiming ppl, my hands ll tremble. haha... think most ppl cant believe this cause i m always so loud and talk alot. but think its different its just fear of speaking in front of a crowd, esp when e attention is on you. i was hesitating and i asked god: god can i do this? do u want me to do this? oh no i m so scared... can i back out? these were the qns and doubts gg thru my mind. These are stupid thoughts but think all of us at one point or the other ll doubt god. But God reminded me of the sermon 3 weeks ago (journey into a new year victoriously). God will lead us thru unfamiliar paths but with God as the lead when we trust god, we ll experience breakthroughs. Jos3:1-17. God reminded me to trust Him and to allow Him to guide me thru this. haha... i can tell u very honestly tt i am of little faith. b4 mon came, i was really really doubtful n fearful. I spent long hrs praying and praying until on sunday i experienced a peace transcending in my heart and though nervous and still full of uncertainty, i decided to trust God that He ll see me thru this whole process.

e initial part of hosting i was really nervous (not so much of fear) but nervous and i kept lookin at my script. after some time, i was just hosting and i really enjoyed myself. When this happened I just knew tt the spirit of God was with me and i ve had a breakthrough. I was really very joyful n thankful to god. Though the hosting was a bit "cold' cause of the lame jokes and the game part was not handled very well (these r areas i can improve on). However, these and the outcome is not the most impt thing. the most amazing and impt thing is how i ve experienced god and how i ve leanrt to trust Him and rely on Him for strength, peace and comfort. Yeah!!! i ve a breakthrough with God and I really wanna thank God. Thru this incident, i realised how little faith i ve in God and how i really need god in my life.

tt day i was talkin to a frien who was saying tt she believes in this so called god's power but she said it was be an imaginary god. someone we make up and rely on to give us strength and comfort (something like an imaginary frien). i honestly dun think 'this imaginary frien' is able to satisfy our inner and spiritual needs as well as give us strength and comfort. Maybe this imaginary frien is able to give ya company and make one feel less lonely and sad, but to ve breakthroughs in life u need a miracle! Someone who has the power to make things happen (the most unexpected things). These 'things' can come in the form of physical miracles like healing of illnesses or it can be in the form of overcoming inner struggles and having spiritual breakthroughs in life.

Loving God is the most amazing and wonderful thing that has ever happened in my life. The joy is undescribable and my prayer is to be so intimate with God i feel His heartbeat....

Love the lord your god with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strengtha n with all your mind. Luk 9:27


 

Signing off at 1:12 PM