Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Humility n discipline

This is terrible... haha... it has been more than 1 month since i last blogged. i m at a loss, i dun know where to start...

hmm... lets start with praising God!! Hallelujah... God has really blessed our cg with two new brothers (john and xing cong)!!! wow... really amazing and they are twins!! Both recieved Christ on the same day on the 1st night of alpha camp.. woww... haha... we were all so shocked when they decided to take this step of faith towards God. Especially John... haha... cause he's always asking lots of qns n is always challenging us. But God is faithful and He is a God of miracles. Nothing is impossible with Christ!!! Amen...

As a unit, we ve 3 new bros n a new sister... wow... amazing..

Hmm... now shall move on to my walk with God this past one month... it has truely been a moulding and testing period for me. testing of my faith n perserverance and made me realised certain things abt myself..

God really really ans prayers.. (so be careful wat u pray for k, haha, sound like some genie in a bottle). I ve been praying and asking God to mould me n grow me. True enough, God has been moulding n growing me by testing me n putting me thru trials.

Realised tt i ve not been v serious abt God n the happenings in my life. Forever sweeping things under the carpet, choosing the things i want to listen n deal with. Things have happened tt made me realised i v v sinful... (this is an understatement...haha) Instead of seeking God n asking God for guidance, for the prob in my life, I ve chose to ignore them, letting them pile up one by one... Basically, i ve been walking a Godless life and so when things pile up to a certain extent, u ll just explode...

Being a christian for 8 months already, made me realised tt I m still an infant, i ve not grown much... cause of my attitude. Sure, i do read e bible n pray, but with wat kind of attitude? Everything i ve done r merely actions, but my heart isn't seeking God, isn't desirin God.... Nothing can escape God's eyes, He knows ur deepest n darkest thoughts, desires n needs n God obviously isn't pleased with my attitude...

I also found it v hard to humble myself. v prideful and advices from leaders often fell on deaf ears. i chose to seek
God when i like n listen to leaders when i want to... (terrible attitude)...

By allowing things to pile up n not dealin with them, i almost hardened my heart. But God is faithful n He always provides a way out for us... My leaders, though angry n disappointed with my attitude, they never gave up on me (repeating again n again e things tt they r tryin to make me c n understand)... This incident also made me realised tt once you ve tasted e goodness of God, you will not want to leave HIm...

Praying for breakthough!! Breakthrough in my relationship with God and be serious abt my r/s with Him (form certain convictions), To grow in humility b4 God and leaders.

God has spoken to me through verses during my qt and now mediating on these verses to help me grow n form convictions. I believe tt with perserverance, God will mould me inside out as i walk with Him, trustin Him and having faith. Though now for a little while I may ve to suffer grief in all kinds of trials, in these i greatly rejoice, so tt my faith of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire --- may be proved genuine n may result in praise, glory and honour when jesus christ is revealed..

Another verse is God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. (I m a v prideful person, cant accept it wen ppl correct me n i m forever arguing back. this has surfaced several times already but i never learn it, cause i ve not been serious abt this issue. praying everyday for breakthough in this area n mediating on verses so tt i can grow in this area)

The other verse is humble urself under God's almighty hand, tt he may lift me you up in due time. (I m v anxious abt things, always wanting things to go my way, often i do things for e wrong motive n wrong purpose. B4 i wanna serve God n do things for God, i ve to ensure tt my attitude n motives r in line with God and pleasing to Him. Not doing things to please my sinful nature but to please e holy spirit)

These weaknesses ve surfaced b4, but i lack the perserverance n seriousness to deal with them. will often pray abt them for several days den completely forgot abt them. But God has allowed them to surface once again in a greater measure, wanting me to deal with them. I pray for breakthough in these areas tt God is displeased with...

Another verse tt struck me deeply is: God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time but painful. later on however it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (The same thing applies to leaders. When they discipline me or point certain things out to me. It may seem unpleasant n painful, but trust in them tt they do all these in love n God has empower them to guide me)

Honestly, no discipline is pleasant, esp wen i m a person who likes things to go my way, but i m a baby feeding on spiritual milk. Without guidance i ll be lost n without discipline, i ll not grow in faith n perserverance. n perseverance must complete its work so tt i may be mature n complete...

Sch's starting next next monday... left 1 week to think thru things again.. prepare for e comin semester... things/ areas/ attitudes i wish to grow in...


 

Signing off at 10:31 AM